We have entered the world of Covid.  I dare not say “the new norm” as the old one wasn’t so normal either.  I just know that somewhere in all of this–the sickness, the current state of mind (and that certainly depends on what side you fall on because we have all learned there are sides) and the ways we are each adapting to what is spinning around us–there is a lesson.  There is ALWAYS a lesson.

The whole social distancing thing is not new to me.  In fact, I am pretty good at it as when I moved to a small town on acreage I truly found that I enjoyed my time alone.  I have always been a baker, but I learned to garden five years ago.  I take great delight watching the beauty of the seasons and how easily I can place my own signature on my home land.  I love the whimsical pieces in my garden as they take me to a good place in childhood.  I am in awe of how throwing the dead heads of zinnias into a plastic bag allows for more magic the following year.  I find myself in a world of wonder in an evening sky full of the brightest stars while hundreds of sparkling fairy lights twinkle from my wisteria and Carolina jessamine.  I find that when a day can start to feel like it is breaking my soul, there is relief in the garden. Pulling weeds by attaching the names that have produce unwanted and unneeded anxieties is excellent therapy.  (You should try it!)

What is new to me is the widespread lack of kindness.  I am one who personally feels that our wondrous maker who placed all of those stars and developed every beautiful variety of flower wanted each of us to come through this time in history with having learned something better.  Maybe it was how to bake, or sew.  Maybe it was to help a neighbor who needed us, but who would never ask. Maybe it was to dig into ourselves and hear our own voice.  Maybe it was to just be silent and to listen to what was actually going on around us.  I think we have missed the lesson.

I found myself, in that first month, nearly angry at the views and reactions from different people–some I had never even met, but I read their opinion.  I found that people who I had much respect for held onto some crazy thoughts that I never would have fathomed. I found I had to snooze even good friends when the tirades got too unimaginable for my head. I found it was better to keep my opinions to myself.  I found that the more isolated people became, the harsher the responses.  Funny, I guess a lot of people just simply do not like their own company…fear, maybe, but none the less, very real.

Have we sat back and examined what all that has happened?  Not in the world, not in the media, but how this all has changed us?  I believe we have not studied as hard as we needed to for this piece.  I think we have missed the humanity in each case, each number.  I think if we were not the person who could not hold the hand of the person we loved for one last second, for their last breath,  we overlooked it as someone else’s problem.  We overlooked truths because they did not fit our own definition.

I think that is it. If it was not ours, we did not respond with heart and we led with anger. If it was not ours, we pressed for our own agenda even if we did not totally agree. If it was not ours, we felt free to give direction unto an unknown place, but we weren’t going to follow that map ourselves.  We arm-chaired quarterbacked every little segment and fell for every bit of the delirium that pushed the insanity forward.  We looked too much to a screen and forgot about looking up…

I don’t know when this will all end and I do not know all of the “why’s”.  I do know that it has changed me in many ways and I am not certain where it will take me.  I am still adjusting to what others believe should be my new standard.  I have never been a good student of conformity.   Until I get a real grip on what my lessons are, I will continue to study this life…

Covid, I have a garden with your name all over it.